The Loneliest Party And Other Metaphors

I've had a few life lessons.  OK, yes, more than a few...but I probably haven't learned them...

A hard one has been what I call "If you keep throwing pity parties, eventually no one will come to any of your parties.  Not even the good ones."

At several points in my life, when my major, deep conversations with the people I wished to be closest to kept centring around my particular life-drama (we'll call that the "boo hoo factor"), well, people got tired of it.  They were genuinely concerned, always wished better for me, and even reached out to help me. The truth is, I've been very blessed with amazing help from amazing people.  But...

I wore them out.  I sucked the life-force from them when I was around.  And people eventually have to protect themselves from having their life-force sucked out.

I had to learn that my friends were not my therapists, nor were they responsible for fixing my life.  And...here's the kicker... there is no way possible in the universe for them to do the hard stuff FOR ME that I needed to do to improve my own relationships, moods and life situations.

Until I started changing, and eventually admitted that I was staying in my pity-party mode because it gave me some kind of weird, freakish self-satisfaction, and possibly at a deeper level, a sense of self-righteousness about how I thought others should fix my life, I was stuck there, derailed and crashed, an angry/unhappy little train waiting for the cleanup crew.  And no-one is interested in returning to a train wreck all the time.

Because no matter how badly I wanted my pity-party approach to change my life for the better and make people like me better than anyone else they knew, it was never going to.

I had to learn to pick up the phone and call people to go out and have a good time.  Just like everyone else has to do. I had to learn to say yes to stuff.  Just like everyone else has to do.  I had to learn to find out what I needed to change in my own behaviour and thinking.  Just like everyone else has to do.  I had to learn to try again.  And again.  And I absolutely had to learn to stop with the excuses.  (Although I didn't call it "excuses."  I called it "reasons" because they made sense to me.) I had to learn to try, and adapt, and learn that, for whatever reason, we all have weird, ingrained habits and thinking, but they need to be changed to live healthier and happier lives.


I also had to learn to protect my own mind and heart so that I didn't derail into a giant heap all the time.  We do this by choosing.  What we say to others.  What we say to ourselves. What we write. What we focus on. Who we hang around.  What we read, listen to or watch and fill our minds and thoughts with.

So, "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."  No matter what your own particular challenges are, you can do this.  It really is your choice.  It will do you a universe of good.